Summer Reading Essay
“7…..8…..9…10 Knockout!” the referee said, “Winner Alfred Brooks in the white trunks”. Alfred stepped out of the ring his eye bleeding a little bit, but he had won. Donatelli walked over and slapped some ice on his eye. He started walking to the locker room.
“Alfred Brooks? Hi, this is Rebecca from the Advocate I would like to ask you a few questions” said Rebecca.
“Okay. What about?” asked Alfred
“Just about your climb to success as a boxer and about your past” said Rebecca. They both walked into the locker room. Rebecca pulled out her pad and pen. “So what was your life like before you rose to contender then to champion?” probed Rebecca
“Well I lived in Harlem, I didn’t have a lot of money and I was raised by my aunt. I worked at a little market, didn’t pull in that much money. My friends started to get into drugs and I didn’t want to get into it.” Alfred explained.
“So how did you pull yourself out of this bad neighborhood?” asked Rebecca.
“We’ll my friend Henry has been working at this gym just helping around with the owner and trainer Mr. Donatelli. One day I thought about it and I realized what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a contender. So I went up to the gym, stumbled up those stairs, hmm I wonder if he fixed those? Well whatever I went up and asked Mr. Donatelli if he could train me. He accepted and I just kept working, I ran everyday and just kept working at it. Sure I had some slip-ups but I came back and worked hard to fix my mistakes.” said Alfred.
“Well I don’t want to waste your time. You probably want to tend to that eye.” said Rebecca. Rebecca starts to get up and leave.
“Wait a sec. You came to ask me some questions but I want to know a little bit about you.” Alfred said. Rebecca comes back and sits down. “I’ve read the Advocate before I read that story you had. It was pretty interesting I was hoping to meet you so I could have some more details I was intrigued by everything that happened.” said Alfred.
“Well Poland is an interesting place, lots of things, horrible things happened back in those times. Hitler had done some demented things. Those extermination camps people today are still gloomy about what happened. You can sense the anguish of the people. Some of the stories I heard where pretty crazy. I like you was intrigued though, also I had made a commitment to my grandmother before she died. Everybody in my family thought I was crazy for doing this. I kept pursuing though I wanted to know what happened, but come on I didn’t even know my grandmothers real name or last name. Too many unanswered questions. I had to know. The people I talked to that were in the camps and survived where extremely brave and were a big help when it came to helping me unravel this mystery. I learned also what my own grandmother had gone through, to see her love, my grandfather die in a hail of gunfire. Must have been scary for her.” Rebecca explained.
“Wow that’s so interesting, it a scary way. I can’t believe what happened either; I’ve read what happened to the people there, the Jews, the Jehovah’s Witnesses. They went through a lot and they hadn’t even done anything to Hitler.” Alfred said. Alfred stands up. “Thank you for telling me about your adventure. Sadly I have to go before my eye swells up. Goodbye.” Both of them chuckle to themselves.
“Goodbye and thank you for your time.” Rebecca exclaimed. Both stand up and part in different directions.
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I love this line “Well I lived in Harlem, I didn’t have a lot of money and I was raised by my aunt. I worked at a little market, didn’t pull in that much money. My friends started to get into drugs and I didn’t want to get into it.” I can picture some kids in Holyoke who go through that same problem everyday.
ReplyDeleteThis blog didn't really do much for me. There didn't seem to be a point to this story. I do remember the intro where Alfred's opponent gets knocked out though. I can easily see the story up until Alfred ask's Rebecca to come back happening, however it would be over in a matter of minutes. This story did make me think about the Nazi era a lot though, and how tough those times were.
ReplyDeleteThe conversation between the two characters seemed fairly real. If you read it though, there are a few parts that seem like no one would ever say. The fact that both characters talked like they would with their 'street talk' so to speak made it real, it's just that a few aprts here and there the words just don't seem to be placed correctly.
My facorite part of the story is at the beginning with the ice on his eye. "Alfred stepped out of the ring his eye bleeding a little bit, but he had won." This quote really stands out to me because although it explains Alfred has been beaten up a little bit, the fact that he won is still there. That is key because of the first sentence.
Throughout the essay there a quite a few gramatical errors. Much of that could have been reduce by proof reading. Also, giving alittle more detail as to the setting would really be helpful. For exampl: is the locker room extremely pristine, or is is run down?
In the future you could really improve your story be adding to the setting. This would give a better mental image to the reader thus making the reading easier to understand. Also, develope more of a plot to hook in the reader. If you could do that you would be all set, becuase you have the opening statement down.
Well it was well written and didn't have many spelling errors that i could find. Though it did have many grammatical errors. You may want to improve the ideas for a setting, and maybe some more back and forth dialog. These would really improve the story itself. It would also be much more captivating if it had a setting explained, if the way they met was a bit better defined, and if they talked to each other more and the conversation wasn't quite as one- sided. If you added a bit to the story, and fixed some of the grammatical errors, I think it would be a very captivating read.
ReplyDeleteNate
Beth your comment cracks me up